when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
