Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
