My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
