god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
