And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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