Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
