At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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