Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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