I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
