do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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