The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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