i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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