What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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