Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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