Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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