I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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