i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
