$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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