Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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