you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
