i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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