I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
