I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
