Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my phone needs a breathalizer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
