Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
