A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
