suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We are all done wearing pants today
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
