My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
