I smell stomach acid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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