I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
