gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
