Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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