I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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