i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
