i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
