i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
