proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
