I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
