i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
