I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
