Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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