How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
