You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
