the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had sex on a roof
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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