I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
