Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
