I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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