This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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