My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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