In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
